U wont believe this

A midget drove through a telephone pole and took out 100 feet of fence at our ranch and ended up in their car in the middle of our pasture...all true I swear to God. I so wished I would have been there for this and got pictures. Unfortunately I was not.

I haven't posted lately because I haven't done shit worth posting about. Sure I went out last weekend and had great times both Friday and Saturday night. Sure it was crazy and I have stories such as seeing two fights, Angela threatening a girl, a stripper going on and on about how nice my wife was, and some girl wandering around the afterparty looking for "something" on the floor, she either didn't know or wouldn't tell me what she was looking for. I honestly think she really didn't know what it was. And with all of this, I don't have one decent picture.

This week, started with a personal trainer getting back in shape. I used to do a good job keeping it tight, then marriage and career happened. This led me to letting myself slide. God further illustrated this point to me when I went to meet with some friends for a drink last Thursday night at a little outdoor coffee bar/bar place and I promptly collapsed the old piece of shit lawn chair I was sitting in. Nothing like breaking a chair in front of half a dozen of your friends and 20 strangers to motivate you to get in the gym. I'm going to get it back before next summer so I have started with a trainer three days a week and busting cardio on off days. This dude fucking kills me, not just kinda works me hard, like I feel like I want to kill myself halfway through the workout. When you start at 8 AM for an hour and by 8:10 your wishing it was over looking at the clock, you know its gonna be tough. But he'll definitely get me in shape...or I'll die on the gym floor of a heart attack (this apparently happened to some dude a few weeks ago).

Going to Dallas this weekend, to visit Robert and attend the OU game. To represent Texas, I will be driving the burnt orange Corvette pictured below. I figured why not. I'll bring my camera but I'm sure it'll be the same old "this is the stadium" pics. I doubt wild and crazy will happen since I am attending the game with a cop and his fiance, and a preacher and his wife. Wow I should hang out with these folks every weekend. If the cop cant keep me out of trouble, the preacher can pray for forgiveness for me.

Just another work night

Here are the pics as promised from Thursday night. Apparently I got a little shaky with the camera toward the end of the night as lot of the pics were out of focus. I managed to find a few representative ones for a decent weekday night in the ATX. Started out with dinner at Sullivans Steakhouse with Ryan and his new 61 "Entourage-esque" Lincoln Continental. That car is a freaking boat. Headed over and met up with some people over at Six Lounge and terrorized the DJ, bartender, and Spaghetti Warehouse patrons for a while (thanks to Rod the bartender for not getting mad at me running behind the bar and messing with the cash register, and to the DJ who allowed me to pick pretty much every song for about a ten minute period). Saw Shelly for her birthday evening briefly and said hello and had a drink. After that headed over to Madison, popped bottles half the night and then followed with an afterparty with about ten of us at my place till the wee hours. Good night.

Samantha and Jessica in the hot tub for the after party with all of us

John, Lexi, Ang, and Emily popping bottles at Madison

Birthday Girl Shelly for her lingerie theme birthday party

I made Rod the bartender teach me how to ring my own tab up

I kept requesting the same songs over and over from this guy

Meghan, Samantha, Angela and I taking advantage of the horse in the Spaghetti Warehouse

ACL weekend

This weekend is ACl music fest in Austin. So, I vowed to stay away from downtown. However, I went down there for dinner on Friday night which turned into drinks which turned in to closing the bar down, which turned in to calling in sick on Friday. Layed low last night, going to a hockey game tonight and who knows after. Good pics from Thursday night, some of which cannot be displayed on this blog. However, I'll put the other ones before that up tomorrow. Stay tuned.

The Strangest Three Days Ever...Not Exciting...Just Strange

Since Friday, here's a list of events that have happened to me:
1) Went to a UT football game and left in the same quarter I arrived
2) Rode a UT shuttle bus on game day and I was the only person on the entire bus...except for the Scottish old lady female driver who felt the need to tell me her life story and employment history
3) Saw a UT fan and a UTEP fan fight in the stands
4) Had an airline cancel my flight reservation
5) Had the airline call me back the next day and tell me they were mistaken
4) Had my mom call me an asshole.
5) Had my wife call me an asshole.
6) Went to a horse show where the competition was watching the people walk around with the horses
7) Hosted a party for a girl I havent seen in 11 years...and was never friends with.
8) Got a call that my dad impulse bought a burnt orange corvette while waiting on my mom to look at furniture
9) Got a call that he wised up after my mom threw a fit about it.
10) Got outbid on a 1977 bronco on Ebay that had 38" tires
11) Went downtown for a weekend night and didnt have a drop to drink
12) Worked out two times in three days
13) Committed to go bird hunting even though I dont like bird hunting

Call Me RAMBO!!!!

I went to work last night and stayed from about 8 to 12. I was really tired by the time I got home and promptly passed out into a deep sleep. All the sudden, at 3:30 AM, our pit bull, Dakota, goes berserk in the living room. This is not like I'm playing while I should be sleeping barking, this is I'm going to eat this person coming in the house barking. I come out of bed like a rocket and immediately go into John Rambo kill or be killed mode. Angela calmly wakes up and goes "the dog had a bad dream". Uneducated woman, that was our fierce canine telling us she needs help defending our home. I grab my pistol and go sprinting toward the door in my boxers ready to take out whatever evil forces from the Taliban are obviously invading my home. As I stand by the bedroom door, anticipating the tuck and roll I'm gonna have to perform since the guns will start blazing as soon as the door opens, Angela puts her robe on and comes up behind me with an irritated look on her face. I swing the door open, hit the lights and immediately begin finding the perpetrator that can only be Hitler, Bin Laden, and Spencer Pratt all rolled into one. Angela walks over, puts the dog back in its bed, and tells me to go back to bed. My vicious attack dog woke me up and made me go SWAT team through my house because it had a bad dream. So any of my neighbors who saw me running around my house flipping all the lights on holding a gun in my underwear in the middle of the night, don't be alarmed...But remember, I have the camouflage paint ready in my nightstand complete with Rambo headband. So would-be assassins and ninjas beware.

Night Work in the Rain

I have to work this evening to check on an emergency job we are doing. Its gonna be nasty and dark, much like some of my buddy's apartments. I slept like crap last night since I am trying to ween myself off the Ambien. So hopefully I will go to work for a few hours and come home and get some rest. 

I went to the Longhorn Club banquet this afternoon and listened to our defensive coordinator Will Muschamp speak. This guy is intense. The kind of guy who intimidates you with his seriousness. Hope he doesnt pull a Ditka and have a heart attack on us. 

Ambien...sleep aid or devil drug?

Wow...i almost had this blog completely typed when my laptop screen went totally black. No low battery warning, no anything. Laptop just shut off. So, I am gonna start this again. I will occassionally take an Ambien to help me fall asleep at night. Well, the last two nights I have had trouble, so two night ago I took an Ambien. I layed there for about an hour and nothing happened so I went and took another half of one. After that, I posted on Facebook that I had popped an Ambien so I was gonna pass out. Well, sometimes, if I dont immediately go to sleep on Ambien, I will do some crazy shit. Monday was one of those nights. I woke up to check my email Tuesday morning, apparently I had got back on facebook and posted on a high school friends page about how I am not ready to settle down because my life still resembles a rap video instead of a country video. Than I proceeded to go back to my earlier good night post and tell everyone the same thing. My old neighbor immediately responds "oh man, it must be hitting you hard". Then it because a joke amongst my still awake friends about my ambien posting. I responded "just keep the mobile fun away from me". So now I have been requested to always post on facebook while taking Ambien. 

Then Tuesday night came along, same problem. Couldnt sleep took an Ambien. Went to bed and woke up this morning, opened the computer and my web browser was opened to travelocity and I was browsing flights to Barcelona, Spain in two weeks for a four day weekend to Barcelona. No recollection of this. Im just glad my wallet was in the other room because I honestly probably would have booked tickets to Spain for a long weekend in the next couple of weeks. 

Stay tuned to see if I do anything stupid tonight. Also, stay tuned to hear about a predicament I have gotten myself in that I'll probably have to yell to get myself out of.

Yeah Mofo

Alright, here comes another collection of random thoughts. I promise I'll start organizing my thoughts into a more cohesive arrangement and have some humorous stories. I also have put my trusty digital camera back in the console of my car so I'll have some good picks to go along with some of these random stories. 

So in quick summary, as mentioned in my previous post, I am trapped in suburbia hell. Sure enough, another girl I went to high school with, pregnant with her second, found out today. My cousin who is four years younger than me, baby boy born today. Congrats to Josh by the way. My sunday afternoon consisted of me going to my wife's best friend's one year olds birthday (she four years younger than my wife). See where I am coming from, I'm surrounded by babies so with all that I needed a juvenile weekend which I got...somewhat.

Headed out Friday night to Lake LBJ for a OLD school reunion. This was all the guys that grew up with families who owned lake houses on LBJ. Well, we're down to one family with a house left so about ten of us decided to shack up there and drink some beers and hang out over the weekend. After waiting on my friend Chuck to get here from New Braunfels, and finally getting mad and leaving him (who the hell takes 2.5 hours to make a 45 minute drive) we roll into Marble Falls, Texas. After some serious drinks, I pass out about 11:30...such a wild man I know. So Saturday morning rolls around and I'm good, rested, and ready to drink. Sitting around Saturday afternoon and I look down at my old lakehouse and notice there is a boat tied to my old dock that is sinking and nobody is there. So...drunk good samirtan Chris springs into action. Me and some buddies head down there to rescue the boat. Theres about 10 inches of water in the floor of the boat and the boat probably has another 8 hours before it goes down. So we decide to move it back into the lift and lift it out of the water, goes perfectly, until the several thousand pounds of water overloads the lift and the cables snap sending a large metal pulley flying past my head by mere inches as I ride this boat's swim platform while the boat falls a good two feet. So after spending three hours repairing the lift and getting the water out of the boat, I felt I owed myself some more drinks. After a drink or two, stories about children started flying around. Remember...this was exactly what I went to LBJ to escape and it was thrust in my face that not only do the high school girls have kids, my old beer drinking buddies are talking about daycare and bottle feeding. The half a bottle of vodka combined with the stories got the best of me...I promptly went off on how boring they all are and gave an inspired Marc Antony---esque speech about how we used to all be so cool and now we have been reduced to trained ponies. I made sure to emphasize my point by yelling "mother fucker" at the end of every sentence...or so Im told, I really dont remember my speech. But, we picked it up and met the police on both nights for disturbing the peace even got to meet the chief the last night we were there. I managed to stumble to bed about midnight and woke up a 5:00 AM wanting to die my head hurt so bad. Made it home successfully and went to said 1 year old's birthday party...back to Suburbia.

Dang...this is proving problematic

Here's a blog...i keep telling myself I am not going to blog, then I decide I am going to blog. I somewhat miss having an avenue to just bitch or to tell a good story. Facebook just seems like they dont have the space for you to write two paragraphs explaining how these two guys dressed rather flamboyantly got in a fight in front of the gay bar (i.e. it was a lover's quarrel) and then one proceeded to bleed all over the sidewalk last weekend, or to tell the story of the guy that got drug out of the club last weekend puking and on the borderline of overheating from all the X he had eaten and the bouncers just put him in the rain and left him throwing up on himself on the curb while they went inside to make sure he had paid. Stories like this just dont belong on facebook. Plus a lot of people I would bitch about are on facebook and i dont really feel right about complaining how all the girls i went to high school with have now popped like three kids and i feel very strange when i think that i used to think these "moms" were hot. With all that said...here is to girls who maintain their twenty year old body even after kids (there needs to be more of you), to bouncers who dont care if your od'ing your gonna pay your tab, and to the gay guy who scared everyone out front of Madison he bled so much on the sidewalk. This buds for you.

To Blog or Not To Blog

So, I am off Facebook and Myspace. I have started twittering. I figure this is almost the same thing. I may get rid of the twitter and just start putting random status updates here. For example I just put that i watched Death Race and its actually a pretty good movie. Jason Statham is fucking ripped in that movie. Makes me want to get back in the gym.